5/22 through 5/25: Leaving Sapa, 3 days in Ha Long Bay, final lessons, sharings, and good bye by Robert

5/22: Leaving Sapa

We left our hotel at 6:45 am and walked about 15 minutes to the spot where the large buses were parked, to begin our 8 hour bus ride to Ha Long Bay. On the way I ran into my H'mong friend, Song. I have known Song for 12 years, since our first Global Studies trip to Sapa in 2006. She was only 16 years old then. she is now 28 and has three children. Song and I seem to always find each other at some point in my stay in Sapa.  Here are photos of her over the years.

Song in 2009

Song in 2011

Song in 2013

Song in 2018

Ha Long Bay:

One of our boats

Ha Long Bay cruise is the perfect way to end the trip in Vietnam. It is so beautiful, so relaxing, and so luxurious. Early on in the Global Studies program and tried to stretch the students by eliminating as many of the luxuries that they are used to as possible, but I learned a long time ago that when 14-year-olds are too uncomfortable, it is difficult for them to experience anything. Though the goals of the program are the same (providing opportunities for the students to stretch themselves through diverse and challenging experiences), a little comfort goes a long way in opening the door to self reflection and growth.

We arrived on our boat in late afternoon, and had our first evening meeting on the roof deck of one of the boats.

First evening meeting

5/22 First evening meeting on the boat: My essential lesson

A lesson from the Dalia Lama:

At our first evening meeting on the boat in Halong Bay, I shared the following story and lesson: “The Dalai Lama is the ‘God-King’ to the Tibetan people. He is believed to be the reincarnation of Chenrezi, the Buddha of Compassion. In 1950, when he was 15 years old, the Chinese communists invaded Tibet (The Chinese perspective is that they “liberated” the Tibetan people). The Dalia Lama tried to work with the Chinese government for 9 years, but when rumors grew of an assassination plot of the Dalai Lama by the Chinese, the Dalai Lama was snuck out of Tibet into India in 1959. He set up the Tibetan government in exile in Daramsala, India and has lived there ever since, along with hundreds of thousands of Tibetans. Over the course of the next 50 years, millions of Tibetans have died, either at the hands of the Chinese, or through their mismanagement of resources. When asked in an interview about his feelings towards the Chinese, he replied that this has been one of his most difficult and greatest lessons. It is easy to feel compassion for those who are close to you, but to practice compassion for the Chinese government, after all that has happened to his people, has been a great challenge.

Being empowered to choose our own story:

It is all a matter of perspective. If the Dalia Lama can choose to grow from the great adversity that he and his people have suffered, then so can we. Of course, bad things happen. Of course sometimes people or mean or cruel or insensitive. Things happen which are out of our control. The power we do have is how we will engage with it. The perspective we choose is our own. We choose the stories we tell ourselves. We are each responsible for our own reality. No one makes you do anything. No one makes you mad, or angry, or sad. It is important to “own” the way in which we respond. We can react. We can become victims of our circumstances. Or we can choose another perspective. If you feel slighted – investigate it. If you feel upset – investigate it. Why do you choose this perspective?

Everyone is responsible for the reality they choose. And we are not responsible for the reality others choose. You do not need to be so engaged in what others are doing. That is their responsibility. As Byron Katie wrote, “If you are spending all of your time living someone else’s life, then who is living your life? You can choose to be “hooked” by your thoughts and feelings, or you can choose a different perspective. You can observe them, identify them, and then let them go. You can choose to be empowered by it and grow from it. You get to choose the story you tell yourself. You have an opportunity to choose who you want to be.

“My Essential lesson”

Then Eli continued with a reflective writing exercise, using the following prompts:

·         What new perspective do you have about yourself?

·         What new perspective do you have about how you engage?

·         What lesson would you like to take home with you?

This exercise and lesson have set the stage for students to write “my essential lesson,” to be shared in 3 days at the farewell dinner.

sun set photos

5/23 Tai Chi, Kayaking, and swimming

sun rise photo

6:15 am Tai Chi lesson on the roof deck

Kayaking

Evening meeting lesson: Who do you want to take home and who do you want to leave?

The objective of this meeting was to create a safe environment where students were comfortable being self-reflective and vulnerable. All three trip leaders shared a story demonstrating their own vulnerability.

Lesson on letting go:

We all have voices in our head from experiences in our past, self- critical messages we have learned from our parents, from other authority figures, from our peers, and from ourselves. Many of these stories we have outgrown, but they still exist inside of us. It is as if we are running a projector of the movie of our life. Our reflection of the world is a projection of our own state of mind. And even though these are just stories, it can be so difficult to change the stories. It is as if the more we try to stifle these stories, the more power we give them.

So a lesson I learned (and continue to learn over and over again) is that we need to learn to accept these stories, to love all aspects of who we are, not deny sides of our self. When we accept who we are, then we do not need to let go of the stories, for they let go of us. As Byron Katie wrote, “It is not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. . . . I do not let go of my thoughts – I meet them with understanding, and they let go of me.”

The students were asked the following prompts to reflect on: What thoughts, actions, or behaviors are no longer serving you? What stories are you willing to leave behind? Here are some quotes from the students’ sharing:

“I need to learn to accept help.”

 “I need to let go of closing myself off when I am down.”

“I want to leave behind being such a ‘no-it-all’ and showing off my knowledge.”

 “I want to leave behind the story that says if that no one will love me if they knew everything about me.”

“I need to stop being over-logical and over-analytical.”

“I need to stop doing stupid things to make myself look cooler.”

“I need to let go of being afraid of being wrong. I need to let go of my fear of failure.”

“I want to let go needing to know what will happen next, which conflicts with being present in this moment.”

“When I am in difficult situations, I try to avoid the issue. I need to do something instead of avoiding difficult situations.”

“I need to stop stressing about things that are not in my control.”

“I need to stop closing off my emotional side, and be more aware of how I act.”

“I need to be better about accepting other’s experiences.”

“I want to leave behind the stuff that happened years ago, bringing it into every moment, which poisons everything.”

“I want to leave behind invalidating my own emotions.”

“I want to leave behind doing things just because my friends do them.”

“I want to leave behind my tendency to overthink thing and make everything about me.”

“I want to leave behind not voicing my own opinion if I think my friends won’t agree with it.”

And then one last piece of advice given to the students before we moved on to the logistics of the next day: Sometimes we have to learn lessons again and again, so be gentle with yourself.

sun set

5/24 Our last full day in Vietnam

This is our last full day in Vietnam. Our itinerary was: Tai Chi in the roof deck in the early morning, cruise to Cat Ba Island for a bike ride to the village and then a hike to the top of a mountain to see the spectacular view of Ha Long Bay, lunch, boating to the monkey island, afternoon swim, evening meeting, dinner, birthday celebrations (Elijah and Phoebe) and finally, dance party on the roof deck.

morning photo with one of our boats

fish farming

View of Ha Long Bay from the top of the hike

Evening meeting: Reincorporation

The theme of the evening meeting was reincorporation. Our experience has been that the greatest “culture shock” is not when the students enter a new culture, for they have been preparing all year and are expecting something very different than what they are used to, but the return to their own culture. And most significantly, the impact of the return to the family culture.

Our hope always is that the Global Studies experience abroad is transformative. Students are exposed to such differences in the way other people live that it inspires self-reflection. We provide the students with opportunities to stretch themselves and challenge their assumptions. By taking students out of their familiar culture, students begin to grow their appreciation for much that is taken for granted and re-evaluation of who they are and who they want to be. Sometimes the perspective shift is great, and sometimes it is very subtle. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it takes months or years to digest and absorb the new knowledge and perspective.

At the evening meeting, students were presented with the notion of dissonance, how things might feel just a little bit off. Students were asked to reflect again on who they were leaving behind and who they were taking with them. They were asked to think about what new responsibilities they were willing to take on to show their rowing maturity.

Being a parent to teenagers is very challenging as students shift their support network towards their peers and look for ways to separate and grow their freedoms, while parents try to hold on and protect. Hopefully, the Global Studies program helps in this process by encouraging students engage in these negotiations in a mature and responsible manner. And though these shifts can be tumultuous, our last piece of advice to the students was to be patient and understanding with the process of reincorporation.

Dance party

5/25

Dear 8^thgrade parents,

I want to thank you for raising such wonderful children. This is my 31^th year in the Global Studies program, and my 19^th trip. I am grateful for the opportunity to experience the students’ support of each other, their engagement in this foreign culture, and their willingness to go deep: to reveal themselves and to share their insights. It has been a blessing to both bear witness to this process and to learn from these bright, insightful, sensitive young men and women. I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to know your students better and in a different way from in the classroom.

Love,

Robert

morning photo

5/18-5/21 Giang Ta Chai Village and parent letters by Robert

5/18: Hike to Giang Ta Chai village

Giang Ta Chai village group just before we started our hike

Shopping along the walk

students on a bridge

rice field workers

butterflies all clumped together in the bamboo forest

Adults having dinner with our host family

cute child

Our homestay has an old dog. but other dogs wander in from surrounding homes. There was a hen and her chicks that wandered in as well. A herd of water buffaloes tried to wander in, but were shushed away. The small terrace in front of the homestay seems to be fair game for everyone. Numerous H'mong children come in to sell their handbags and other products. The homestay is also the home to 4 pigeons. The birs are "just for fun," Mike, our tour operator explained to us.

pigeon house at our homestay

5/19: Receiving the parent letters at Chiang Ta Chai village:

After breakfast I told the Giang Ta Chai village students that they were going to receive their parents’ letters. After gathering their journals, sun hats, and water, we headed up-river. I told the students to walk silently and think about what they appreciated about the walk to the homestay, what they appreciated about their time in Vietnam, what they appreciated about their friends, their family, and the life they live.

In just a few minutes we arrived at a spot in the shade on the river bank. I asked the students to stay in this silent space as I continued to talk about appreciation. I told the students that during their time in Vietnam we have focused so much on appreciation for a number of reasons. It is not just to be grateful for people in our life and for the lives we live. It is not just to be reminded of all that we take for granted. Appreciation is a means to connection.

Appreciation is a way to connect to the earth. It helps us to connect to our family and friends. It helps us to connect to that which is undefined. It helps us to connect to our self – to all our memories, to all the stories we tell ourselves of who we are.

We are at the perfect place for each of us. Everything we have experienced – good or bad, happy or sad – has contributed to who we are at this moment. So every event was necessary, even those aspects of our self we are not proud of. We are each at our perfect place for there is no other place we can be.

And if they are all necessary to bring us to this moment, then we can forgive our self (which is maybe the hardest thing of all). And through appreciation, and through connection to our past, we can let go of what we need to let go of and grow into who we shall be.

And then I shared with the students one of my favorite quotes – an old Hassidic saying, “The heart breaks open and the words fall in.” So how do we open our heart? How do we allow ourselves to be vulnerable so that the words (your words, parents and siblings) fall in?

The students then received your letters, went off to a private place, and read and reflected. After about 25 minutes I called all the students together. Students were invited to share a part of their letters, or what they were feeling. There were a lot of tears and deep feelings of gratitude. Not all of the students shared. Every students reacts differently. It may take some students some time to absorb your words.

Our homestay is located in Giang Ta Chai village, right next to the river and the bridge. It is quite an idyllic setting. The village is really not a village. it is more like  a scattering of homes and farms, with a shop across the river near the waterfall, and a store a top a hill to the north.

Back at the home-stay helping with the dinner preparation

 Rice farming in the afternoon:
We worked in the rice field for about an hour, using hoes to remove the weeds from the terraced walls. We were immediately joined by all the children of the village. We were great entertainment for them as we struggled to use the hoes properly. Soon the village children joined us in the mud, playing and fishing by hand. We were then joined by the ducks and water buffaloes in the rice paddies.

 5/20: Morning hike from Giang Ta Chai village to Ta Van village:
Because we are divided into 5 villages, Eli and I each went to a second village to deliver the parent letters. I decided to walk to Ta Van village, about an hour and a half from Giang Ta Chai.

 Receiving the parent letters at Ta Van village:
I presented the parent letters to the students at Ta Van village in the same way as I did to the students at Giang Ta Chai village.

The hike back from Ta Van Village to Giang Ta Chai village:

Playing in the water (back at Giang Ta Chai village):

 5/21: Saying goodbye to our host family:
The three days in Giang Ta Chai were amazing. The students got along so well. The small groups and peaceful setting really helped. Students hung out in groups that they normally did not hang out in. Even though the students have gone to school together for years and thought that they knew each other, they found that this was not necessarily the case. We often put each other in "boxes," some times those boxes are from years ago. Students shared how they saw each other differently and how even those students that already held close bonds with each other experienced those bonds deepening.

The entire Giang Ta Chai village group

Three laundry shots:

5/22 Ha Long Bay: 
We will head this morning on two buses for 7 to 8 hours to Halong Bay. I do not believe we will have internet access there.